Aging in Place: Reality or Dream?
A geriatrician holds the hand of an elderly woman with arthritis.

Aging in Place: Reality or Dream?

Seniors crave their independence and a sense of place. Almost all wish to remain in their own homes and to “age in place.” Being independent in your senior years benefits everyone. However, if aging brings illness, professional home caregiving may be unaffordable, says The Winston-Salem Journal in the article “Who will help me to age in place?”

Even though they want to remain independent, family member participation may be necessary for this to happen. Family caregivers may live with aging parents, serving as guardians, trustees or power of attorney agents on their parent’s behalf. They may perform many tasks, including cooking, cleaning and monitoring their medical or home care. They may take care of the home and take aging parents on outings.

Loyalty to aging parents runs the gamut, from daily contacts and living together, to children who vanish as soon as they are financially independent. While our biology may dictate that close family members are genetically predisposed to care for us most, it’s not everyone’s experience.

If your goal is to have parents, children and grandchildren all spend time together as the generations move through their lives, the time to start is while you are parenting. The most important thing you can do to increase the likelihood of having family members who value each other and care for each other, is to raise children with love and kindness.

You should limit the amount of time that children spend with electronic devices. Making family connections and teaching caregiving skills within the family, requires time and attention. Teach your children empathy and caregiving through gardening, caring for plants and pets and letting them see how you take care of siblings, parents, grandparents, friends and the less fortunate through volunteer work.

Our children learn more from what they see, than what we say. By teaching your children to respect and care for those they love, you will be creating a family legacy based on your values. This will be as much a part of them, as any inheritance you can leave them.

Part of caregiving is taking care of the legal and financial side of your life. Ensure that your family members have an estate plan in place, including a will, financial power of attorney and health care power of attorney. Caregiving for others involves preparing for the ups and downs of life. This shows your children that there are things we do for ourselves and for others that make life easier for those we leave behind. It is an important life lesson for each generation.

Reference: The Winston-Salem Journal (March 5, 2019) “Who will help me to age in place?”

How Do We Live Our Lives When A Loved One Has Alzheimer’s?

The scenario is worrisome, as no one can be sure that this is something B. Smith would have wanted, if she had been asked before the disease had progressed. However, one good thing has come out of it, according to the article “B. Smith’s Alzheimer’s raises question: How to protect your wishes when incapacitated” from USA Today. There are more discussions about expressing people’s wishes, before they become incapacitated from Alzheimer’s.

More families are experiencing this very same dilemma because of the increasing number of Americans suffering from Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. More than 5.7 million in this country are suffering from this disease, which currently has no cure and is most likely to impact seniors, women and African Americans, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Without advance planning, it’s impossible to know what someone would want to happen. Discussing this is critical, while a patient is still relatively healthy and able to communicate her wishes to family members and to an estate planning attorney.

People who work in this area say there are two areas that must be addressed. One is drafting legal documents with an experienced estate attorney to determine who should be entrusted with health care and financial decisions. There is also a need for document known as a “statement of values” that will help family members understand goals and wishes and not be left guessing.

These decisions are not easy to consider when a person is still well. However, thinking about them and putting them down on paper, and then having the necessary documents prepared to formalize them and make them enforceable are important.

Here are the documents needed:

Durable power of attorney: This lets a trusted family or friend make financial decisions, in the event of incapacity.

Power of attorney for health care: This document permits a family member or friend to make decisions about health care decisions.

A will. The will is for the disposition of assets after your death. It also names the person who will be in charge, the executor.

A revocable trust. This is one of many documents that can be used to allow you to set conditions and directions about assets, while you are still living but when you have become incapacitated. It can be changed at your direction. Hence, the term revocable. An estate planning attorney will know what type of trust should be used for your situation.

Only four out of 10 Americans have wills, with many hesitating to have them created because they think that only rich people need a will. However, without a will, or the other documents described above, the family is left in a terrible situation, where there will be additional costs, if and when decisions need to be made but no one has been legally empowered to make the decisions.

The revocable trust could bypass many unpleasant situations, like instructing a power of attorney to place your assets in a trust that was set up specifically to pay for your care in a skilled nursing facility of your choice, or to describe with great specificity who was allowed to live in your home, if you became incapacitated.

Another missing step: the family discussion. Getting everyone together to discuss planning for the future, isn’t as fun as going on a family vacation, but it is important. If someone is starting to have the effects of dementia, they may not remember what they told another family member. With everyone in the same room, there will be a better chance that their wishes will be clear.

The moment someone learns that they have dementia, is the time to put all these elements into place, before it is too late.

Reference: USA Today (Jan. 31, 2019) “B. Smith’s Alzheimer’s raises question: How to protect your wishes when incapacitated”